its been so long. Lots and lots of things happened in this month ?

i totally am a weakling. . Eugene have to stop being a kid. He has to grow up .

seriously .

a few things i've thought of through this month let me came to this concluion

也许虚伪是为了保护自己所拥有的，是不想失去自己爱的人。。

我已经忘记什么是爱，什么是痛，忘记什么事难过，什么是眼泪，也许读书和忙碌是心最好的麻醉药，让人斩时遗忘痛苦，让我遗忘爱过你。。

当所有的人都离我而去，我看到的不是最珍惜我的人，而是孤独的自己，因为我相信到现在，我还没有遇到用心对待我的那个人，也许这只是错觉，是幻想，但这应该就是孤独的感觉。。

this is sucha chinese post but ya. 华文让我更有感触地把心情表现出来。

铭喜活得很辛苦，他不喜欢勉强微笑，他不喜欢现实的复杂，他要的是家人的关怀，朋友的疼爱，爱人的拥抱，但是他什么都没有，除了读书，忙着做一些让他头痛的东西，他什么都没有所以笑容减少了，所以唱歌也少了，笑话不好笑，脾气坏了，眼泪多了，孤独增加了，心更痛了，不挽留任何人，头也时常隐隐作痛，心也偶尔会抽痛，不想让眼泪流下但在夜里还会不听使唤的狂流，真心不停的被利用，被伤害，何时能让我不再难过，何时会找到真爱，何时能找到知己，真心的朋友？

gosh. this is too much chinese and emo.

other than band and some happy stuff in school, i see it a lil' pointless to live. kinda sian. im not really emo just sick of life,studying and a few other things. . i wonder where is my heart heading to ? i wanna get away from this world. i dont look foward to new day and in fact, i hate waking up to the new day. i wanna sleep for very long. (i always say that) but i never did.

and i love myself alot. more than you can imagine. so im not gonna torture myself. feeling sad is more than enough and my 's' button got problem. ): i want a new laptop !! please.