Wednesday, June 17, 2009
this is not the life i want. it may seems beautiful from the ouutside but it is really not the one that is suitable for me. i feel like running away from home. to a place where i really belong.asshole.ive been making wrong descions everywhere. from small scale thing like game to large scale thing like life. i've been acting stupidly to make sure i look happy and the most imprtant thingis that , i've unknowingly start to not trust my family . sometimes people in the family treat me okay but sometimes they're not. perhaps because there's 3 of us, they tend to compare. iadmit im not as good looking as both my sister and brother , butim indeed smarter. but who realy cares. poeple from the outside world just does not seem to know. in the past i will be happily singing in the car whenever i do sit on a car but now i just close my eyes and listen to music till we reach. in the past i will joke around with friends and try as hard as possible to go out everyday but now i choose to stay at home. and in the past i will try my best to study but now i couldn't care less. my blog is beoming emo.. and i really dun care. talk about relationship. love . its like the thing i would never even think about. who cares i get married anot. haha. friends. you never know who betrays you . and seriously i dun know who are true friends now. this urge to blog is so strong. i just hate to think when im being compared with my siblings. and seriously i do sometimes do that. thinking why do they even get the better life than me .like wtf. i seriously dk where i stand. i think im dying. i get serious headaches and i cant breathe sometimes. my heartaches and i cant fall asleep due to some leg thing that i cant explain.its not painful kind but its torturous . people please be prepared to attend my funeral cause i may just end my life anytime. i will move to a place in taiwan(those not developed) and maybe spend my time there if i managed to grow old enuff to migrate. im really really ... it feels like all the bad things are happening to me at once. really cant take all this. people are all moving and changing. i can't accept this fast change. i wish i could just be like a child and have fun . just play and cry and eat and sleep. i guess i need a consellor. haha.i found out that the haha is the first one i use in the whole long chunk . i used to use it often but i guess ive changed too. to a different myself.
EUGENE walked through the seasons at